The biggest question for those who are older than thirty five and single is more about whether or not to keep hope alive for finding your soulmate. (I know, an awful subject, but I’ve got to bring it up!)

And if you’ve been through a lot of loser dates, you may be thinking, “If I only knew that I would be facing the rest of my life without my soulmate, would I be better off knowing now so I wouldn’t go through decades of longing?”

My question is this, “Does it always have to be an ultimatum of soulmate – or no soulmate?” It’s as though we’re betting everything on love only coming in a soulmate package. Do you believe this is true? Can there be precious, adoring, deep, magnificent love outside the paradigm of the person being your soulmate?

I believe this is possible. It is my deepest belief that there is a wonderful somebody for each of us. I have no doubt about it. I’ve lived long enough to see, firsthand, wonderful relationships offering deep love and compatibility as life companions. They include laughter, sharing, caring, and even maturity (Let’s face it, happiness is limited and fragile when only one of you is mature). There’s a lot to be said for love coming in a package other than “soulmate” branded on it. And it’s a package worth opening!

I believe that sometimes we hold out for the soulmate category and we aren’t quite sure of what we’re asking for. My soulmate, Scotty, and I have written and taught for many years about finding your soulmate. And the question, “Should I settle?” always comes up.

We believe you should never settle for less than what’s going to make you genuinely happy. There has to be magic, chemistry, admiration, deep caring love, responsibility, trust, and respect with anyone you find yourself falling for and are considering as a life companion. Hopefully, you both are equally interested in making it the most wonderful relationship of your lives and are willing to listen and grow with each other. This will help to create a lot of happiness for you both.

With any life companion, there are certain requirements in order to have a chance for real happiness. Your list needs to begin with the qualities that you know will make you happy (some of which I’ve already mentioned here).

If you’re a highly stressed person, your need for compatibility will be high. Arguing would only add more stress and that would prevent you from laughing, experiencing inner peace, and ultimate happiness.

If you’re a workaholic (for whatever reason), how, honestly, do you think you and your loved one would have enough time to share in order to keep your love alive and important?

If either of you suffer from low self-esteem, or the inability to forgive yourself, this too will reduce the amount of freedom to love and be loved.

There’s no perfect human being. The human experience is only steady at times and then all hell breaks loose. We are lucky to just keep our heads above water many of the times.

So what is it going to take to find your ideal companion and have lasting love?

First, begin with what your real needs are. Consider if you come in a package, where children are involved. You’ll need someone to accept you as well as your children and someone who is compatible with your kids and who your kids love as well. That’s a tall order.

And, if you are heavy in debt, working to reduce it considerably, you’ll want someone who has a minimum amount of debt and who will be able to contribute financially. Together, you can come up with a financial plan to get out of debt and even plan a savings. That would be an extremely helpful companion.

Also, if you’re a more serious person, you’ll need someone who has a great sense of humor, who can help you lighten up and laugh.

Take a close look too how you treat each other and how you each feel as a result of how you’re treated by each other. Be honest. Don’t start off thinking you’ll change your love mate. It needs to be at the right standard before you go to the altar. And be sure you two are deeply in love.

Let’s face it, unless certain requirements are met, it doesn’t stand a chance for uber happiness, the kind that you would want from a soul mate.

Here’s the short list and I hope you’ll add your own requirements.

  1. Deep, caring love that causes your heart to say, “I love being with this person! And I want to be with this person for the rest of my life!”
  2. Connecting with each other’s hearts.
  3. Listening to each other and being responsive to requests that would better meet each person’s needs for increased happiness.
  4. Tons of genuine praise. (This will keep you both smiling, I promise.)
  5. Consideration for each of your needs as equally important.
  6. Criticism at a minimum. (If there’s that much to criticize, you are not a compatible fit).
  7. Respectful behavior, no matter what. (especially when there’s conflict)
  8. Honesty and trust, no lies.
  9. Mutually satisfying intimacy that is ongoing. It’s not okay if only one of you is satisfied.
  10. Having lots in common that will cause you to both enjoy many of the same things, spending time doing what you love together.

I think that what we’re most looking for is “the one,” whether it’s a soulmate – or not. But the list above is what you need regardless. Without any judgment, if your beloved meets most of these criteria, you can find lasting happiness.

I hope, as a result of reading this, that you can see the possibility that spreads out far and wide, even wider than the need for a relationship categorized as “soulmate.”

Finding love with someone you adore is the most extraordinary experience on earth. You don’t want to miss out on this all important life event.

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